She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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