mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
