No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
