Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
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is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
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Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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