Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
