i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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