you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Everyone says I win the strip club
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
