I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
