I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
