the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How's work?
Spinning.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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