Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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