I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
