Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
