a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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