Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
