I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She even gives head with a lisp.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
