I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
