I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
