I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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