Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize