i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
