We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
