I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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