and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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