Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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