Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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