I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
