Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How does one acquire holy water?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
