if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
