you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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