I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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