Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
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Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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