I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
