Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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