I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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