HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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