just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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