3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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