Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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