I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
