you traded sex for a burrito?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
