My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
