apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
