What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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