the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
