I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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