And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
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I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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