Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
