My liver just broke up with me...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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