Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize