Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
