I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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