the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
