you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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