There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
