Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
