dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
