Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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