She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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