Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
