Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
