I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
