I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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