so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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