dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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