He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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