Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
