Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Don't EVER smell your tampon
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
