last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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