jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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