So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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