I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need to wash the frat house off of me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
