Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
