Define "chronic" masturbator.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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