I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
