I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there was a trapeze. enough said
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
