What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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