I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
