We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
