I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
