I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
