you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
