He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
