For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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