I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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