I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
