My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
