drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
